Merry Christmas!

Can't believe it's Christmas Eve allready, time seems to have flown by this year!

Last weekend we had a fair bit of snow, very unusual to see more than a dusting here before Christmas.

It's been bitterly cold all week but yesterday there were signs of a thaw, then this morning we woke to yet more heavy snow!

Luckily it stopped after early morning, otherwise it could have been a bit tricky for Debbie's family coming over Pennines tomorrow.

The pork is in the oven and the turkey is waiting to go in, then we'll be set for the festivities tomorrow.

May we both thank everyone who's dropped by over the last year and wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Paul & Debbie

Happy Anniversary!

It's our wooden wedding anniversary today, we had both booked the day off work and were planning to spend a special day at the coast but alas it wasn't to be with Debbie in her new job and having to work.

It's fitting that it's snowed for Snowbabies on our anniversary, after I dropped Debbie off this morning, I headed into the hills in search of the white stuff.

So from me and my lovely wife Debbie, thank you for reading, we're looking forward to the next five years and beyond!

Paul.

PEKIN DUCK

Got a chinese takeaway the other day.

Got in the car n heard the bag rustle, looked over n seen a pair of eyes looking out of the top of the bag at me then disappear back inside.

I was that scared I nearly crashed, I looked again n saw the eyes lookin at me then disappear again.

I ran back into the chinese with the bag, terrified! I asked the chinese guy "whats going on u"?

He said u no worry, its PEKIN DUCK"!!

The Loyal Wife

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miserwhen it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife,
When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm an honest loyal wife, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

Nymphomaniac convention

A man boarded an aircraft at London and took his seat; as he settled in he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realized she was heading straight towards his seat and bingo! she took the seat right beside him.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States".

He swallowed hard, here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, " one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish,"

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said... "Tonto Papadopoulos , but my friends call me Paddy."

Cat Story

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.

"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.

You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

"You know,"explained the boy,

"I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

cat wave

Microwave Meals For Birds

I've been making tasty bird treats for the last couple of weeks and they've been going down a storm in the garden. Here's how it's done...

Put a third of a block of lard in a bowl.

Add any bird seed mix into a shallow bowl along with dried mealworms and raisins.

Microwave the lard for 2 minutes.

Pour the melted lard into the bowl of bird food and stir.

Leave to set in a cool place for about half an hour.

**Simples!**

Debbie

MEN!!

If only men would listen

Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road
They pass each other
Woman yells out her window, "PIG!"
Man yells out his window, "BITCH!"
Man rounds next curve
Crashes into a huge pig in middle of road.


Thought For The Day : If only men would listen.

Debbie ;o)

The Lords Pray

Lord

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart & strong,
One who's willy is thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
When he promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he be gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, he won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man that will make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say when I ask "How bigs my behind?"
One who'll make love till my body is a twitching,
In the hall, the loo, the garden and the kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me no end,
And never attempts to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the wanker you sent me instead!!!

Amen....

Debbie